Yesterday, the fire service and the pub. Part 2.
After the police left ( and some chaplains who came along for some reason - perhaps they thought we needed praying for) we decided that we needed a drink. So I went with 5 other women from KCU to a pub. On the way there we passed Euston fire service building, where members of Blue Watch work. Blue Watch were the team that went into the train on July 7th to get the dead and injured on carriage one.
We decided that we would like to tell Blue Watch that we are meeting for our KCU drinks on Saturday. So we rang their bell, and they very sweetly invited us in and offered us tea. We explained who we were, and they were a bit shy and looked at their feet and said 'it felt funny being thanked' but smiled and said they hoped they could come. And that we should tell Blue Watch Soho as well. (So I just nipped down and left an invite for them too. )
Then I and the 5 KCU ladies went to the pub and had a catch up. Everyone is just about coping but most people still not sleeping, and all of us hate still travelling on trains. Especially on the 7th.
Which is today. I got a cab in. Five month anniversary. It's not really getting any better. I wonder when it will all go away?
posted by Rachel at 1:43 pm
It's trite, but I think time does heal, one way or another. And you are also actively working at healing yourself and at helping those around you with their own healing.
Obviously I don't really know you now and I didn't know you at all before - but it seems to me that you are a remarkable person, who has drawn on an inner strength to use these terrible things in as positive a way as you can.
It WILL go away - one day you will look back and it will have gone. It's just that it's difficult to see the path when you are walking on it.
Does that help? Or is it really up myself? :).
I've just read your story in the Times, linked from Pixel Diva...
You have an incredible voice.
Hi Rachel,
I suspect it wont ever go away, not really, not completely. What happened on 7/7 affected everyone in the UK, like Madrid and 9/11. Nobody will ever say "Oh, that's not part of me anymore".
What will pass with time is
"taking the tube on the 7th"
"panicing when a firework goes off"
and "sleepless nights".
Like Ally said, it sounds trite and more than a bit crass, but time does heal all things - if you let it (which isn't saying to ignore or forget them) some things just take a lot longer than others.
Not trying to hide from your feelings or pretend they aren't there is a good place to start, facing the world and accepting that these events are now a part or you, have changed the way you look at life and other people.
Of course, where one's strength and character come in is defining whether these changes are good or bad - a lot easier said than done. I think we (on this side of your blog) know you've got those qualities and you have certainly done a lot of good since July and should be very proud of your progress and achievments.
I've just re-read what I've written and it's getting very slushy and not very manly - so I'll stop now.
All the best,
Gary.
hi rachel,
im VERY surprised that police in london and most of england still arent armed,here in ny and the us i cant think of a police force that isnt.
btw...today..12-7...is the 64th anniversary of the attack on pearl harbor so im sitting in quiet reflection...my dad was in the war he was drafted after PH
i hope alls well with u and j...winter has finally arrived here...weve had our first snowfall.
seth :)
Nice Renee Zelwegger impression by the pole! v. v. funny!
Give yourself a year, to fully heal, to add this into your life. Five months, not really very long at all. Face your ghosts- talk to them, apologize, explain, let them forgive you, surely they will.
I hope you do feel better about things. Echoing other comments here but time does heal.
hope you are okay
S x
Thanks for the comments everyone. It has been a bumpy few weeks, but after meeting up with loys of KCU people and having a good night down the pub on Saturday, I feel a lot less spooked.
Have re-started counselling, this time, CBT having been diagnosed with PTSD at the NHS Trauma Clinic. I am hopeful that it will help this time, I did see a counsellor in the immediate aftermath but I think it was too soon.