Sunday, December 04, 2005

How to Avoid Rape

Thanks to the Disillusioned Kid, and Nel. Reposted in full.

A lot has been said about how to prevent rape.Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts. Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.

Instead of that bullshit, how about:

If a woman is drunk, don't rape her.If a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.
If a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don't rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.
If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.If your step-daughter is watching tv, don't rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.
If your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend.
If your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and It's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and tell the guy he's a rapist.
Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it's not okay to rape someone.
Don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
Don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
Don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl.
Don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions.
You can, too, help yourself.
If you agree, repost it. It's that important.

9 Comments:

Blogger Disillusioned kid said...

Thanks for the link, although I really can't take credit for the advice.

December 04, 2005 9:53 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tell that to the rapist - or better still, to his mother or father, or culture, who turned him into a rapist!

December 04, 2005 10:05 pm  
Anonymous Frank O'Dwyer said...

Anonymous,

Women don't deserve the blame for rape - that includes the rapist's mother. There is no evidence at all that mothers and fathers turn people into rapists.

"Culture" is also a pretty sweeping claim. Rape appears in all societies and even in other species (although levels of deterrence and social disapproval - including peer group disapproval - do matter).

December 04, 2005 11:04 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A few weeks ago I spoke to a counsellor about my rape for the first time. My parents don’t know about the rape, although my partner does, and I did not go to the Police. For 15 years I have carried around the shame of being raped as a teenager, the shame of an ex-boyfriend forcefully and violently having sex with me without my consent. I simply went to his house to call a cab as I was drunk and wanted to get home. Then he grabbed me...

The aftershocks from the rape caused mental health problems over the years, low-self esteem and the belief I was at fault in some way, to blame. I plunged deeper into heavy drinking, bulimia and self-harming. Knowing a third of our "Great" British public think I was at fault, while my rapist has had an entirely guilt-free existence since, and has been entirely unaffected by either his actions or this poll, has been difficult.

The sexual abuse of women and children is totally disregarded/disbelieved by the public, until such time as it occurs openly in their own families. But even this has a flaw: victims shame and silence. My father and brother rant about "all these women making false rape cases for money or revenge, it is so easy", not knowing what I went through. Hearing such beliefs from an early age, I was never going to tell them, nor the police, many of whom Dad counts as friends. But that was the early Nineties, and I'd hoped society had moved on from the mentality that only bad girls get raped.

Even when victims are brave enough to go to court, judges get it so wrong, handing down inadequate sentences, often seeming like two rapes for the price of one as multiple charges garner shorter sentences than had they been tried separately. This is especially noticeable in child abuse cases.

With the liberalization of licensing hours and Christmas office party season starting soon, many more women, some wearing sexy clothing, flirting or drinking, will be raped but left feeling it is their fault, as 35% of people SAY it is. When did flirting become a green light to non-consensual penetration?

Having sex with someone is by invite-only. As for date-rape or spousal rape, women have the right to say "no" at any time, in any relationship or stage in sexual activity and it MUST be accepted, no matter how revved the man's engine is. A woman can say "no" to specific sex acts, the whole point is that both partners consent to everything that occurs. As consent is given, so it can be withdrawn depending on circumstance.

CONSENT IS FLUID, NOT ABSOLUTE.

For example, you give your neighbour consent to trim the hedge that separates your properties and instead he cuts it down and builds a brick wall. Does your original consent still stand? Of course it doesn't. What is the difference between a hedge and our vaginas?

*

Unlike women, men are allowed to dress and act however they wish, to flirt, drink and even rape with impunity. Tabloids are filled with stories of footballers and pop stars "roasting", passing around women like a can of larger without consideration of consent, and yet they remain in their lucrative jobs without sanction and are still held as "positive" role models for boys the world over. Women’s silence is bought.

Some excuse or mitigation for men's violent criminal actions is given and accepted in all but the most horrific stranger rapes, such as Rachel's. In these (less frequent) cases, men are denounced as sick, perverted, and no way reflect on other men. Conversely one false rape claim tarnishes all victims’ testimonies. But mankind needs to take some responsibility for their actions too. The only alternative is for all women to be hidden away or to cover up from head to toe, as men cannot be expected to control themselves in our presence. Yet we know much of the British public thinks of the use of burkas is demeaning to women, and it is hardly an appropriate solution. Women are told to change and compromise, not men.

Something is very wrong in our society. Women will further put off coming forward to police thanks to this poll, so I suppose some bright spark will tell us that rape allegations have fallen, that there is less of a problem. Instead, increased numbers of defiled and scared women will spiral down the self-destructive holes I did, never quite feeling able to forgive ourselves.

The "How to avoid rape" list needs posting in every men's toilet, in every pub and club in the country, right above the urinals. Posters for Rape Crisis centres on the door of women's loos simply aren’t enough.

BB

December 06, 2005 10:34 pm  
Blogger cheesemeister said...

Thank you for that list. Sometimes the best thing in the world to make you feel powerful is just simply to get good and pissed off!
This list does the trick.
Also, guys, if you're "so horny you just can't control yourself," well, may I introduce you to your hand! It's the one partner that never says no.
Peace.

December 10, 2005 9:39 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The majority of , but not all, adults who are raped are subconsciously re-inacting some part of their repressed childhood trauma. They are unwittingly repeating their own forgotten history. Its like the Battered-Wife-Syndrome. Truth is stranger than fiction.

December 12, 2005 1:03 am  
Blogger Rachel said...

BB and everyone who contributed to the comments thank you. Especially BB for your honest and powerful post: I am sorry to hear of what you went through. Anonymous 2,Frank has already answered your points so I won't, and anonymous 6 - I was going to delete your comment as it looked like point-free trolling, but I won't because I am interested to see if you can actually expand and justify your rather peculiar claim. I doubt you are able to , but let's give it a day or so , shall we? You get the benefit of the doubt.For now.

December 12, 2005 9:27 am  
Blogger Jac said...

It's so frustrating how rape keeps getting treated like it's the victim's fault. In one case, the rapist made up all sorts of lies that everyone believed the victim was being a slut and 'brought it onto herself'. You can read the story here:

http://jonasdiego.blogspot.com/2005/05/girls-story-1.html

Please read it, and tell more people about it. It's high time people change their attitudes about rape.

December 20, 2005 3:02 pm  
Blogger Hasnain said...

Okay, I agree with your arguements but I think you're being unrealistic to just put it on these criminals.

Sure, most of us people would prefer a utopian society where one can go out and do anything in any condition without feeling insecure and fearing rape, but face it, criminal minded people CHOOSE to do these things.

Sure there're LOADS of things I could think of which we could implement in society in order for rapes to decrease but in the end the criminal will choose and you can't decide over someone's choice, which is why you have to take precautions.

We live in a society where modern culture expects women to agree with the norm that you are to be a sex object, that your worth is only because of your body.

Feel free to disagree, but it's human nature. Feminists/unrealistic people may argue that ''I should be able to wear whatever I want and it shouldn't bother anyone.'' But sorry, you can't fight nature - you pass by men in tight, revealing clothes and there's a high chance a few guys will imagine you + sex.

I personally don't think rapecases will ever come to decrease - not unless punishments become so harsh that you get sentenced to life inprisonment without parole or the deathpenalty - which is not likely to ever happen.

Recently a 63 yr old retired man somehow got hold of several teenage girls, locked them in his house and raped them all. His punishment? 7 years.

Ergh, you know what. I'd just end up criticising Western society for being too liberal and that its' reaping the fruits of those free laws.

I'm a Western born Muslim, so yes. I agree that unless there's any regard for modesty, censorship of sexuality in the media then this will just continue to go worse.

Evilminded men will always rape when given the opportunity, nomatter what you feminists will say, they won't care.

You just want to see the raperates increase for another few decades until you realize that there has to be drastic changes in society, our norms, laws, values and media?

Here's one for you feminists who think it's so unfair and rotten to just be a housewife and disregard the value of being a mother.

Mothers who stay at home and look after the children have soo much more control over what influence their kids get from school and the outside world. You think two overworked parents can give that time???

Then there's so much more to that. Alcohol, though it's meant to make you happy, more than often, this drink has caused devastating situations -

i.e. drunk women raped and there's a dispute over consent in the court but since she was drunk her case is ignored - since had no proper judgement - case closed.

The case where you have drunk men in the bar, what's to stop them from raping another woman at 3am in morning?



You want to live by these illusional standards then don't complain over the costs.

Not really enjoying having to say these things but, wake up!

May 23, 2009 2:31 am  

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