Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Getting into work really took it out of me. Time for time off.

WEDNESDAY 13 JULY 0029 BST
Getting into work really took it out of me. I arrived something of a nervous wreck and stayed wobbly until lunchtime. I was very pleased that I had got on the Tube and faced the fear but my attempts at being efficient in the office were rubbish.
I caught up with e-mails, that kind of thing. It was very hard to focus. Twice I had to hide in the loo and have a quick weep for 10 minutes.
I told the girls on my team about Thursday and they were full of support. Colleagues came to my desk and told me they were glad to see me. I've only worked here since May - it is lovely to know that people are looking out for me.
My lovely friend Susie just called to see how I was and to get some advice on her love life. It's good that things are starting to get back to normality.
I've had another message from another person who was on the train who stood opposite me and got on at King's Cross. I'm very happy that I am able to find out how more people escaped from Carriage One and that we who were there are able to find each other.
He had read my blog and about how I had met up with Mark and Sarah. He also had felt a need to talk to others who had experienced what he had in the dark carriage and tunnel.
He described what he was wearing and I remembered seeing him at Russell Square ticket hall.
Mark and I both e-mailed him back and we are hoping he will be able to join us and other Londoners on Thursday at noon when there will be a two-minute silence. There will also be a vigil in Trafalgar Square at 1800 BST. Hopefully, he will be able to meet for a beer as well - it really does help to talk.
If anyone recognises some of the feelings I have described - numbness, euphoria, guilt, anger - can I ask you to think about talking to someone about it? I've learned this week that while your body might come through an accident in one piece, your mind and memory can be very shocked and also need help to get better.
I'm still watching the news. There were some developments tonight that made me agog at the speed of the police investigative work. But the numb news junkiedom has gone. The attacks are no longer the only thing I think about.
I still lit another candle tonight though. I did so in thankfulness for being alive on a warm summer Tuesday night.

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