Mum latest

Thanks everyone for your kind wishes and support. I know a lot of my family and friends, and my family's friends read this so I am sorry to have to pass on this news:

Mum is dying. My family were all called to the hospital yesterday and told she was likely to go 'within 24 hours'.Total kidney failure, massive heart failure, blood pressure crashing - but Mum is still there, still lucid. She is still hanging on: she wants to get her house in order before she leaves us.

Being told that she was dying yesterday was a shock to her, and she wants to think about it, process it, and make sure we are all ok before she lets go. The consultant has changed the prognosis to 'within 2-3 days'; like all of us he is amazed at Mum's strength of will. But there is nothing at all they can do for her at all save make her comfortable. She has had an incurable disease for over a year, and we didn't know, nobody knew. This last year has been a bonus, borrowed time, we have found.

I have stayed up all night bar 30 minutes, came home to sleep for 2.5 hours, woke up, checked in here, and am just about to go back to the hospital.

Your thoughts and kind wishes mean a lot: if you are religious and want to pray, please pray for a gentle death for Brenda, and that she finds what she has always hoped for and believed in after she leaves us.

Oh God. This is such hard work; heartbreaking beautiful shattering agonising work; watching the death of someone you love, surrounded by love.

Mum is dying with regrets that she has to go so soon, but without fear and with such graceful dignity - that is her last gift to us, beautiful dancer that she is.

I have to go back to her now. I don't think there is much more of this dance left before the music stops. I will be out of action for a while as of today.