Email to a journalist

I have never been so busy in my whole life and I am quite scared of burning out. Maybe I will feel better if I blog and have a moan for ten minutes. Okay. I know this will all be over soon. But it is getting too much. I am averaging 20 calls and 60+ emails a day, about July 7th . I am struggling to cope; I am trying to be fair and polite to all who get in contact, and others are helping me, we are all doing our best to share this, and I know there is only 4 weeks of it to get through. But I could do with more help. I am working full time, so this all has to be done in the moring, lunchtime and after work and weekends. Most media requests are polite and sensitive, but some are pushy and rude and some just do not get it, at all.

I think I have coped okay, but I am wondering how we can manage the next few weeks if it continues at this level, or gets even more busy. I will reply to every email, but if you have written and not heard back, it is because I have simply not yet had time.

J and I are meant to be going on holiday on the evening of July 7th, and that has been keeping me going, thinking of that. But now his bloody firm have said they do not think he can take that time off, and I am a bit weepy with frustration and disappointment, because that has been what has been keeping me going. It's not the worst thing that has happened to me, not going on holiday when I want to, but sometimes it is the small things that I cannot cope with.

I just vented a bit of this frustration at a journalist, whose email, politely phrased and clearly well-intentioned, touched a very raw nerve. This is what I wrote:

''Sorry for snapping at your request to me to ''record your thoughts throughout the day from getting up in the morning through the exact time that the bombs detonated and then on through the day, finishing with the memorial ceremony that evening'' on 7th July 2006.

For the record, I think it is very unlikely that anyone I know will agree to such a request, ( to be interviewed so intimately or do a video/audio diary on the 7/7 anniversary) as everyone I have spoken to has said they are anxious to avoid the media on the day and be as private as possible. That is why some of us have agreed to do limited pre-records in the hope that we can be left in peace on the day itself.

I am in contact with many survivors now, and I note that the desire for privacy has been expressed very strongly. I have passed on all media requests faithfully to the two groups. I know some of us are speaking out at the moment but that is because we are campaigning for a public enquiry, and so we have to speak to the media to get that message across. For us July 7th 2006 is an important day, one we have thought about for months. It is a day when some of us will try to take a big step towards the future, and to walk away from the smoke and the screaming, having done our best to honour the memory of those who travelled with us who did not finish their journey. Some of us still feel guilty that we are alive, some of us still struggle to understand the incomprehensible. It is going to be a hard day. It will be even harder if the over-riding memory of that day is running from the cameras and microphones.

It is hard to cry when a camera is in your face, it is impossible to speak and answer questions when you want to be silent. And sometimes there are no words to say.

So this is a plea for sensitivity, and I wonder if you would be able to post it round the news staff, as I and have always found [your media organisation] to be the kindest and most sensitive of all the media outlets. I will post it on my blog too.

Many thanks

Rachel