Friday, July 22, 2005

Sod the fear

My friend Russell has just called and we had a quick chat. He has been phoning regularly and at the weekend we are going to go to a festival in a park and be happy and dance because life goes on. This fear is like an injury. When you break your leg, it aches when it is healing, but then it aches less and then it gets better. This fear is an injury, it will fade.

I am determined and I have a wonderful partner, friends and family. I am not going to have my day to day life poisoned by these death cult idiots. It is sad, it is frightening, it is unsettling but it is not what life is about. The best way to beat the death-merchants is to live and to love. And to dance.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rachel -
So sad and sorry to read how horrible things are continuing in London. It's been many years since the Loma Prieta earthquake here in California but I remember how the jumpiness and upset would resurge with each tiny aftershock, preventing me from moving on. As it happened, I was already scheduled for a vacation, in New Mexico. We spent 10 days driving through fantastic landscapes, completely removed from the environment I had become afraid of. It did an amazing job of helping me get past the worst of it. So if there is any chance you can tear yourself away from the city, maybe even go some place like the Riviera, _do it!_ It's very hard to leave the place you are so involved in, I am sure there are a million reasons you feel you need to stay. But try to get out of London for a while for your long-term health. Breaking away from it for a bit can really help restore some stability.

Your blogs are amazing, thank you for helping me know what it's like for my other friends over there.
-Carol, Palo Alto, CA

July 22, 2005 7:03 pm  
Anonymous Bunny Bradford-Stubbs said...


Your blog is an inspiration.
Good fortunes hon.

What you see before you looks the same.
Same nose, same lips, same eyes.
But the ‘me-scape’ within has fractured.
I see outward space with splintered awareness.
I move through the same space as you
but encounter pockets of molasses air
and vacuous space that you do not.
The ‘me-scape’ inside has buckled and is jarred in places,
leaving me unsure as to when the now-world is going to lurch
And catch me whirling without centre point reference.
It’s then that I reach out to hold onto you,
to make fluid earth solid.
It’s there that the ‘me-scape’ is familiar.

July 22, 2005 7:54 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Just to echo further comments said your blog is amazing - I wish I had your courage. I live and work in london but was lucky enough not to be affected by the events- except now everytime my boyfriend is five minutes late I worry - if I hear a siren I jump. Thanks for writing this and making me feel like it is okay to be scared.

July 22, 2005 8:30 pm  
Anonymous seth from new york said...

i look forward to reading your blog someone who lives/works in ny and was there on 9/11 i can surely relate.

you are one brave,gutsy lady.

remember....we are ALL londoners now.

July 23, 2005 1:00 am  
Blogger Rachel said...

Dear Everybody - Seth, Bunny, and Anons - thank you - it is quite amazing to sit here writing about my fears and my hopes in my small study with my fat tabby cat, Miff periodically leaping on the key board, and to have the words travel out into London, the UK and across the oceans finding friends to hear them.

Thank you for hearing me, for wishing me well, for the poem, for the support, for the suggestions about changing landscapes. The best thing about the last few weeks is that whilst I have felt frightened, I have never once felt alone. And that is because of people like you and the silent support I feel when I type.

*Cheers* to you


July 23, 2005 9:29 am  

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