Friday, August 03, 2007

Moose loose aboot this hoose!

I got in late last night after doing Radio 5 live Friday 'Up All Night' to find a large brown mouse sitting outside the front door. I waved my foot at him, to shoo him away and he casually walked about a yard away and then hid behind a recycling box. Not very effectively, I could still see him peeping at me and twitching his whiskers. J opened the front door and we hugged, and I came in and we shut the door behind us. And the mouse ran in too, but we didn't see him.

Later on we were sitting on the sofa watching The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and we suddenly saw a slim tail, waving, on the bookshelf, then disappearing behind the sofa. We jumped up and pulled the sofa to one side. No mouse.

'Get Miff!' I shouted. 'It's her moment! Come on fatso! Mouse time!'

Miff is on yet another diet. She doesn't like being on a diet, and is constantly whinging and collapsing on the floor pathetically, and so we assumed she would be thrilled to get her claws on some protein.
Miff was discovered on the bed, paws crossed, eyes closed, like a fat puddle of tabby fur. She did not seem very pleased to be removed and plonked in the sitting room (where the mouse had been spotted) with instructions to get on the case.

She sniffed about and then started to lash her tail excitedly. J and I waited for her to spring into action, eyes darkening, tail rigid, transformed from placid moggy into killing machine. But after a few minutes she gave up and sauntered over to her bowl to look for food. There was no food, so she threw herself on the floor dramatically and let out a long sigh.

We ignored her theatrics, as the vet had told us to do, and carried on watching TV.

A few moments later, there was a commotion behind the sofa. Claws skittering, and a hissing noise. Then thundering feet sprinting down the hall. We leapt up again.

'Go, Miffler!' I shouted excitedly. ' Well done! Get that mouse!'

'Oh, for God's sake', said J, watching the scene in the hall.

'What?' I asked.
The cat was running flat out, ears back, down the hall . The mouse was streaking down the hall too, heading for the bedroom, and freedom, through the open French windows into the yard.

But the laws of nature had been shamefully inverted. The cat was running in front of the mouse. Miff was running away as the mouse chased after her. They both disappeared into the garden. The mouse went left, under the garden gate and into the street, and the cat ran under the garden table, where she sat down heavily, and began licking her paws.

'Your cat is rubbish', J told me, as he headed back inside in disgust.
'She caught a mouse before', I said, defending Miff.
'No, Rachel, she found a half dead baby mouse and sat on it and hummed at it for three hours. You had to finish it off' said J.
'Well, she's ill. She has a temperature, remember,' I pointed out.' I've just had to lash out £100 at the vet to get her tablets'.
'She's crap', said J.' She's an embarassment. She saw a mouse and she ran away and hid'
Later on, Miff put on a great performance of sniffing about behind the sofa again, looking extra-diligent and alert.
J openly mocked her.
I fear he was right to do so.
As I type this, I think I can hear the skittering again of tiny paws.
UPDATE: More mouse drama: Miff's shame continues

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you've got one mouse, you've probably got at least SIX. They live in families, not alone.....

August 03, 2007 4:45 pm  
Blogger Philip said...

I once saw a budgerigar in a Sergio Leone-style staring duel with a bluebottle. The budgie (a violent sociopath where human beings, lampshades, etc., were concerned) lost.

August 03, 2007 5:03 pm  
Blogger zoe said...

i'm afraid i agree with J. your cat is crap.

August 03, 2007 5:11 pm  
Blogger Kris said...

oh dear

I like how J refers to Miff as "your cat"! Aren't you married now?

You know, maybe, just maybe, Miff just needs a bit of love and compassion, Jay. So there!

BTW, we got out cats with the specific purpose that they would be working cats. I thought the trick to achieve that would be to keep them a bit hungry.

We then read that fed cats are actually better hunters. Who knows? They like being outdoors and every once in a while, I catch them "playing" with their food. Biddy and Seamus know the rules: Don't bring it in the house.

August 03, 2007 5:20 pm  
Blogger Rachel said...

J calls Miff 'your cat' when she is being rubbish. When she displays affection to him its 'look how much Miff loves me. I'm the daddy'.

We shall see whether she becomes less useless after the antiobiotics have been finished. If not, it's peanut butter trap time...

August 03, 2007 5:23 pm  
Blogger Glamourpuss said...

She is quite round, isn't she? But you can't really blame her - a life of food appearing in a dish does not prepare one for the rigours of live combat.


August 03, 2007 5:38 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't think you can get peanut traps big enough for an overweight moggy....

Shouldn't Miff (or the mouse) have her (or his) own blog by now ?

The continuing adventures of a fat cat

August 03, 2007 5:46 pm  
Blogger RachelC said...

The apartment block I live in has mice. I've been slowly blocking access routes alongside pipes through floors etc but one of the main pipes goes floor to ceiling in the bathroom. I was pretty sure some mice were moving about on the floor above, knocking some bits down, but I could not reach the hole to block it without buying some new ladders.

This morning it was confirmed - laying dead on the floor was a mouse. I have visions of it scuttling along above, missing its footing and falling through the hole to hit the ground hard.

Given that this was pre-coffee and I was running late, the tiny corpse is still there. I was not really in the mood to pick it up this morning, so left me a nice task for later ;)

August 03, 2007 5:48 pm  
Blogger Fidothedog said...

Hate to agree but cats are over rated as mouse killers.
Get a terrier, vicious bastards and after they kill they take great pride in strutting up to you and looking smug with this look that says "Look what I just wasted" written across their face.

Oh and they do that with part of the remains in their jaws, the rest they leave laying about the house to found at about 2Am when you least expect to come across it in bare feet!

August 03, 2007 7:06 pm  
Blogger pierre l said...

One of the other blogs I read has a "Pacifist Cat". I think yours is also a Pacifist... My Tonkinese cat is lovely and sometimes brings me mice from outside (sigh!), but is no good at catching things indoors - probably too well fed.
Your cat looks very nice and cuddly; I think this is more important than hunting (but then I guess we don't have a lot of mice).

August 03, 2007 7:56 pm  
Blogger The Stress Witch said...

Aww! Poor Miffy...
I think you lot ^ are really mean :-(
She's a cute little (well, okay, not *that* little) kittycat, not a furry mousetrap.
Poor baby!

August 03, 2007 8:13 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Miff may be a rubbish mouse-catcher but she sounds like a comedy genius to me. I love the theatrical sighing and collapsing...

My Mum's cats do that - think they get it from my Dad...

She looks gorgeous, even if she is a little 'overweight'. I would blame it on excess fur...or stress.


August 03, 2007 9:11 pm  
Blogger Henry North London 2.0 said...

What you need Rachel for your mouse problem is a Min Pin ( miniature pinscher)

They are excellent mousers.

I thought about getting one too because my Doberman is much like your cat. She will run from mice;( even though her breed is derived in part from the Min Pins).

August 03, 2007 9:51 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm afraid to say that pictures looks like Miff was just taken roughly from behind by said mouse!

My dad's dog (springer) is scared like hell of sheep. shame they own a farm really. Oddly, it's fine with horses,guns, pigs etc.

Just sheep. hates em.

August 03, 2007 10:02 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Government should ban hunting with cats

August 03, 2007 11:25 pm  
Blogger Clare said...

LOL what a great post that was Rachel as I imagined a mouse chasing Miff. How amusing.

August 03, 2007 11:29 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had a feeder mouse escape before I could get it into our snake's terrarium. It ran around for WEEKS! Finally, it ran outside. But this meant I had to get another mouse for our hungry snake. Well, he can't have been that hungry, because he left it alone, and was even pestered by it trying to use him as a ladder to escape. He finally killed it, but did not eat it. I'm procrastinating about removing the dehydrated little fur-ball....

August 03, 2007 11:44 pm  
Blogger Graham the Funky Aardvark said...

Have you ever read "The Un-adulterated Cat" by Terry Pratchett?

Sound like you may have a "Cartoon Cat"....

Does Miff make funny noises like "binka binka binka" when running? With what you describe, I think you have a Real "Tom" to the mouse's "Jerry"

August 03, 2007 11:53 pm  
Blogger Ally said...

A mousetrap and nutella. I am told. It's never worked for me, but I think we have voles and perhaps their dietary needs are different ...

Perhaps she was just lulling the mouse in to a false sense of security? :).

August 04, 2007 12:21 am  
Blogger flyingrodent said...

I'm not amused by this mouse-baiting.

Would either of you like it if I chased you around the house with a pair of bloody-great claws?

I thought not.

You should be ashamed, really.

August 04, 2007 1:34 am  
Blogger Kris said...

Ha, ha! You know the only soution is to get another cat! Miff and little puss would be friends and mouse hunters together!

August 04, 2007 9:09 am  
Blogger jailhouselawyer said...

Never mind a mouse trap and cheese, they like chocolate biscuits. I caught a family of 7. Rocky did try his best but he could not get into tight spaces. Nevertheless, there were a couple or so which the mousetraps did not quite finish off and Rocky pounced on these with glee and completed the job.

BTW, have you come across blog it is good. She is a nurse in A&E.

August 04, 2007 12:51 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

That's the most I've laughed all day... :-)

August 06, 2007 10:03 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

By the way the 'humming' is a noise all cats make (although normally only when there are other cats around) meaning roughly "this is mine"...

August 06, 2007 10:47 pm  

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