Book launch cancelled again

The book launch party planned for July which was cancelled because Mum got ill the week the book came out, was then reinstated for tomorrow, but it has been cancelled again, sorry. It feels too soon to have a party; Mum only died a fortnight ago, and the funeral was on Friday. It seems like a long time ago, and also no time at all.

I have been frantically cleaning out the flat, which has got into a mess because J and I have been so frantically busy ever since - well - before the wedding in April. Piles of stuff has accumulated everywhere. Paper, clothes, junk, ornaments, post-it notes... it got so bad that I couldn't have anyone round because it was all such a mess. Every where was clean ( ish) but it was just clutter, clutter everywhere. I threw away/recycled 6 binbags of junk and old clothes.

The study is now somewhere I can work in again without feeling overwhelmed with stress. The bedroom drawers are still broken but at least you can shut most of them without them exploding. We need new furniture but it is ridiculously expensive. Even crap stuff which falls apart is expensive. I will reglue the drawers together, now they are no longer bulging with ratty T shirts and heavy jeans they might stay in one piece.

When I had cleared everything up and out, I looked about and it looked lovely. For a heartbeat I thought ' Ooh, I'll ring Mum, she'll be really pleased. She can come and visit and I won't be ashamed'. And then I remembered. Crash. Reality.

This is what it is like. Wierd, and sad, and awful. I hate it. I hate waking up and remembering she's gone.

BWBD ( a group of authors who have blogs) sent a most beautiful bunch of flowers to Norwich - roses and lillies and fresias - all my favourites, all Mum's favourites - and I took them back to London and they are still lovely, still scenting the whole flat with perfume. Then I found out that they had planted a tree for her as well, and that they still have some extra donated money too, which is to go to one of her favourite charities. I cried because people were so kind.

I am overwhelmed by people's extraordinary kindness. So many messages, so many cards, it is humbling and it is honouring and Mum would have been so proud and touched, as am I.

Another act of kindness: Mike Rouse, ( who made the Find FJL buttons) has made some more blog buttons for Out of the Tunnel, and he is kindly hosting them, so anyone can put them on their blogs, if they want to.
They look like this,

or there is a big one as well.

When we do eventually have this book launch party, there will be a lot of people whom I want to give a big hug too.

But for now I will just say thank you again.