Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Out of the woods

Updating people here via blog as there have been so many messages and I know a lot of my mates & our family friends read this site....Just got back from spending another two hours at Mum's bedside in hospital with the family. Dad has rallied and I am no longer desperately worried about him. Mum is still paralysed on the right side, but she has eaten some yoghurt today - holding the cup by herself! She even laughed, although she still can't talk. My father, uncle, sister, brother and I are very relieved at these improvements. Now Dad has gone back to see Mum. My sister is lying on a bed, exhausted, and I am trying to catch up with messages.

Thank you to everyone who has written, texted, called, facebooked, prayed: it has been overwheming to have such support. I am sorry that I have not had time to get back to everyone personally yet. My family can feel it though: all these people thinking, wishing us well. It is extraordinary.

Oh God, I can hardly believe now that this week was meant to be the bloody book launch week: all the inteviews, the worry, the plans, all wiped out in a heartbeat because everything changed. All the anxieties stopped mattering, as did everything else. 'Your mum. She's in an ambulance. I don't know, yes, it looks bad...' Bang.

I went from being an anxious first time author trying to promote months of work that were really important at the time, getting my new career as a writer running - to a daughter, a sister who could be nowhere else but at my family's side.

I feel so bad for the publishers and the PR company they hired to work towards this week: all that hard work messed up. And yes, of course I will admit it: I feel selfishly disappointed and sad: why now, why me, why us? Mum and Dad were about to book train tickets to the launch, dammit, after a weekend of family joy. They were really proud and looking forward to this week. Did this have to come out of the blue now, when we were all so damn happy at last? Did lightening have to strike yet again?

Anyway. I've already emailed most of you but Out of the Tunnel launch party tomorrow has been cancelled. Maybe we can reinstate it in a fortnight or so. Mum is really proud and excited about the book: so I pray that we can celebrate it and her continuing recovery soon. Cross fingers.

I know I can't predict the future, but I am her first daughter, and she taught me many things; amongst which were how to hope and hold on - and how to be bloody-mindedly relentessly determined.

So if Mum is still signalling from her bed that she wants the book to be a success, and that was also the last thing she said to me the night before the stroke, I am bloody well going to do my best and make her damn proud.


Blogger Cathy said...

I've only just caught up with this news. Will be thinking of your Mum and of course you, your Dad and the rest of the family.

July 11, 2007 7:27 pm  
Blogger Clare said...

Great news that your mum is continuing to do so well and you are no longer worried about your dad. Your mum must be a really strong person to have come through this so well :).

Thanks for letting us know how she is doing.

July 11, 2007 8:02 pm  
Blogger Random Reflections said...

Pleased to hear things are looking rather better. In my (limited) experience, strokes tend to magnify what people were like before the stroke - so if she was a strong and driven person beforehand, which it sounds to me like she was, then it will probably bring that out all the more - which should stand her in good stead.

All the best to you and your family.

July 11, 2007 10:05 pm  
Blogger KG said...

Hi sweetie,
You are in our thoughts and hearts, you and your beloved family. We will keep you there.
Much love and hugs,

July 11, 2007 11:17 pm  
Blogger Helen G said...

"...I am bloody well going to do my best and make her damn proud."

That's the spirit! You go girl!

love and hugs
Hells bells

July 12, 2007 8:35 am  
Blogger david.holt said...

Rachel, we have heard from Richard & the Fiddlesticks grapevine about your mum. Difficult to find words to express our feelings, our love & strength is with Brenda, Philip you & the rest of the family.
We know how strong she is, she'll be with us soon.
Love n' Stuff

July 12, 2007 9:33 am  
Blogger Debi said...

She's clearly already so proud and with every justification.

Please don't feel guilty for thinking 'Why me and why now?'

The time will come for the book to be launched with a celebration. For reasons unknown to us mortals, it just isn't now ...

July 12, 2007 10:58 am  
Blogger Pete Kavanagh said...

Rachel, just to say we're all thinking of you, your wonderful husband, your family and especially your Mum. The news sounds encouraging and hopefully will continue that way.

love from
Pete, N & baby G

July 12, 2007 11:46 am  
Blogger Cranky said...

I just have to say what other people have already said...she's already proud!! So proud.

I will be ordering your book. We have had some similiar experiences but you have turned nightmares into grace. I haven't.

Best wishes to you and your mom and family. Fingers crossed!

July 12, 2007 3:41 pm  
Blogger Frey said...

Hey sweetheart

Having gone through what you're going through now, all I can say is this, if it helps - every day will be a little more recovery and in a few months you will be amazed how much better she will be. I cried when my mother walked again after hers - and she DID walk again - and I'm sure you will too. I'm thinking of you.

July 12, 2007 5:56 pm  
Blogger granny p said...

Only just picked this up; so sorry Rachel; but from family experience with stroke, it sounds as if she's doing well to get so much back already. It bodes well. So sorry it had to be in your glory week. Of course you mind! just another piece of bad luck/timing for you. But the work will last. Read the nice interview in the Guardian. Good. Thinking of you, with hugs. Penelope

July 13, 2007 9:36 am  
Blogger Nina said...

Sending lots of positive thoughts and best wishes for your Mum's recovery. She sounds like a very strong person. And you are a good daughter. I don't think you have to worry whether you've made her proud. It seems she's your biggest supporter! :)

July 13, 2007 12:53 pm  
Blogger Kathryn said...

I've just seen your last post, I'm so sorry to hear about your mum.

Thinking of you and your family and I hope she makes a full and speedy recovery.

July 13, 2007 10:55 pm  

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