Sunday, February 18, 2007

Wedding invitations

The wedding invitations designed for us by a friend Nyree arrived last week and they are lovely. But I still haven't posted them. I have been extraordinarily un-flapped about the wedding which is in April. I'm like, yeah, I'll worry about it nearer the time, I'm on an extended book deadline, I'm busy. But as it is getting closer I really should start to get on with stuff and organise myself.

J and I wrote a list of guests on a piece of paper and then lost it, we have since done this about four times. I have managed to book the venue and sorted out catering, but I still need to post the deposit. I've applied to the Archbishop of Canterbury for a special licence because of where we're getting married ( not my parish church at home because the tower has partially -collapsed). Sent off cheques to people for stuff.

On Friday I went round to see someone about a dress and drew a pic for her on the back of an envelope, and she says she can make me one, so that's fine. I really need to email the organist - we did come up with some ideas for music but I have lost that bit of paper as well. Um...what else do I need to do? Order of service - I know what hymns we're having and what readings but I suppose I need to get it printed. Shoes, and bridal undies, apparently you're meant to buy the shoes before you have the dress fitted. I hate buying shoes. I hate buying clothes full stop. I suppose I had better go and find something, but there just isn't time at the moment.

Check the ceiledh band are definitely coming - Mum said that was sorted. Er, what else? Flowers. Posy of roses'll be fine. Honeymoon, sorted and booked. Flowers in the church, will be there already, just give them a donation. Bridesmaids - well if my sister and sister in law want to be bridesmaids they can take themselves down to Monsoon and buy themselves matching frocks. I think that's it, more or less.

Oh yeah, wedding rings.

I had better get on with it, I suppose, and actually properly invite people. I'm going to have to email them all and ask them to send their addresses as I have no idea where people live: nobody writes to each other any more.

I think I must be in denial: I am sure brides are meant to get in more of a state than this. Basically I have been so busy that I haven't wanted to start doing wedding stuff as well because I haven't had the time to think about it. And maybe when your dad is a vicar and you are a choirgirl and you grow up with weddings every Saturday you get quite casual about the whole thing.

Actually, I think it is because I have been so depressed and having such a bad time with the PTSD being back again. This wedding doesn't seem real. I am trying to guard myself against being flattened by some terrible event in the future by trying to do all this wedding stuff very quietly, under the radar, not making a fuss, not tempting fate. It feels safer than throwing myself wholeheartedly into happiness: I did that in summer 2005 and bang, everything went black. It's taken all this time to get back to something like normality. I'm afraid of too much joy, in case it tips the scales and it all goes dark again.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rachel, Wishing you and J all the happiness in the world.
You really do deserve it.

February 18, 2007 5:11 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it is quite normal to feel a bit detached form the wedding planning process - I did. There's lots of stuff to sort out which isn't at all romantic - like shoes. I sense you have an amazing built in protective radar that protects you just as much as you need, in any given moment or occassion. Trust in your own radar. Hope you feel more oomfy soon.

February 19, 2007 12:21 am  
Blogger Bumble Bee said...

Hey hun,
wish i was there to help you! The only one piece of advise I can give you (and have given to other bridal friends), is make a list of things to do and work through one thing at a time. If you think of everything at once you will not get anything done as it seems too much. Pick one thing and work on that till it is finalised then move on to the next thing. Anyway hope that helps a little!
I hope everything is going well with the book - wow I just smile when I think how far you have a come and what a great year this will be for you! Your first book and your marriage!
Huge warm hugs to you and J.

February 19, 2007 10:14 am  
Blogger Ally said...

I was pretty chilled out about our wedding - partly because it seemed that it was the decision to get married that made the difference to how I felt about the relationship and the wedding itself was just rubber stamping that.

And partly because shortly beforehand I saw a documentary-thingy about a woman who was having her wedding planned and spending thousands and thousands of pounds and gave all the people organising it for her absolute hell by saying things like "I know I'm being a bitch, but IT IS MY DAY".


Enjoy it. It should all be fun!

February 20, 2007 5:56 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I understand being afraid of too much joy. I've had some pretty horrible things happen right after some really joyous things, and it gave me this superstitious feeling that being too happy would bring on disaster. Of course, that's irrational! I knew that, but I couldn't help feeling it. Overall, life is good, God is good, and we should just enjoy whatever joys we are having and not worry about things that you have no control over, even if they are just vague feelings of uneasiness. That just spoils the moment. Enjoy your day, and I hope you and J have a wonderful joy-filled life ahead!

February 20, 2007 9:12 pm  

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